Vaidya Kumar received this notice from the California State Health Department:
The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of Bird Flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone’s windshield.
While touring the USA Vaidya Kumar went to Texas. He became friends with a doctor who invited him to sit in on his consultations, thinking to show the Indian how intelligent American doctors were. The next patient was a midget whose testicles ached almost all the time.
The midget told the doctor what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.
The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
"Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip,snip,snip, snip, snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc’s office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn’t even feel it... What did you do?"
The Doctor replied, " I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots"
Vaidya Kumar arrives in California after his visit to Texas and stops for tea at a very sophisticated tea room full of little old ladies. This is a welcome change after cowboys and horses so he takes a seat near four Catholic ladies that are having tea together. Vaidya Kumar overhears the first one tells her friends, "My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ’Father’.”
The second one chirps "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone calls him ’Your Grace’."
The third Catholic lady says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ’Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic lady sips her tea in silence. The first three ladies all ask, "Well...? She replies, "My son is a 6’ 4", hard-bodied stripper in Hollywood and is hung like a hippo. When he walks into a room, people say," ’Oh, my God...’.”