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Home page > Vaidya Atreya Smith > New Year’s Jokes

New Year’s Jokes

Vaidya Kumar is sitting a restaurant in San Francisco to meet with some American friends. A drunk man comes inside the restaurant and says, "Happy New Year everybody!" and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk!" And the drunk man says, "Oh my god, my wife is going to kill me! I have never been so late in my life!"

Vaidya Kumar is walking home with friends on New Year’s eve when they see a drunk man stopped by the police. Intrigued, they step closer to listen to what the policeman is asking the drunk, ’What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’
The dunk answered, ’I’m on my way to a lecture!’ ’And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of the night on New Year’s Eve?’ inquired the policeman sarcastically. ’My wife,’ slurred the drunk grimly.

Vaidya Kumar is giving a New Year’s day lecture on Ayurveda in San Francisco to a small, sleepy, hungover crowd. Suddenly, one the attendees raises their hand and asks: "What is your about opinion on whisky?"
Vaidya Kumar quickly replies, "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But, if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the remedy to colds and flu, and the comfort to the old and infirm, then I’m for it. I hope that is clear."

Vaidya Kumar goes to the New Year’s day church service with his American friend to find out what Christianity is all about. After the service the preacher was standing at the door as he always does to shake hands with the congregation. He grabbed Vaidya Kumar’s friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" Vaidya Kumar’s friend replied, "I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don’t see you except at Christmas, New Years’s and Easter?" He whispered back, "I’m in the secret service."

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